Get Excited About Life

[Ines]

New Official Language in EU -HA HA HA

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[alex]

ha ha, ce simpatic

[Ines]

Thank you my friend!
May I remind you that u were supposed to say "ha ha ha, so cute!"...assuming this is about the tiny bubbled eyes strumph.
Pls. don't be offended, this is the English Corner ... it's all right, no harm done!
Have a nice day!

[alex]

damn, ure right...
seems to be the english corner...just before theyll switch to german...in a mere five odd years

[Dan CHIRIAC]

Wrong Alex, the german corner already exists on the forum.
It seems we were ahead of the EU...

[Ines]

And since we are EU...let's find more reasons to get excited about life, romanian way ...having fun!

The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first
visit home since starting college. "Mom, I have to tell you," the girl
confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."
"I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or
later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."
"Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt
great, but after them my pussy got real sore."

[Ines]

...and back to Germany

Fast-track way to teach English to Germans – just speak the alphabet!

Breakfast at the English Cafe....

HANS: F U N E M N X?
(Have you any ham and eggs?)

WAITER: V F M N X
(We have ham and eggs?)

[Ines]

"Adam," the heavenly voice called to the Garden of Eden, "what did you and Eve do today?"
"We ate some fruit, Lord," Adam said reverently.
"Did you eat of the forbidden tree?" asked God.
"Yes, Lord, we did," Adam confessed.
"And then what did you do?" God asked.
"We made mad, passionate love all afternoon."
"Where is Eve now?" the Lord bellowed.
"She's down at the brook washing herself out."
"Oh, no," the Lord moaned." Now all the fish are going to smell like that!"



Q: How does a Mexican know when it's time to eat again?

A: His asshole stops burning.

[Ines]

Why men can not write advice columns

[Ines]

WHAT WE ALL FEEL LIKE DOING.........

[Ines]

An Israeli was sitting between two Arabs on a long airplane flight. He had just
removed his shoes and gotten comfortable when one of the Arabs nudged him and
said,"Hey, Jew, go get us some orange juice." To avoid any trouble, the Israeli
did so. When he left, both Arabs spit in his shoes.
The Israeli came back with the juice, which the Arabs gulped down. The rest
of the flight was uneventful. The plane landed, and the Israeli put on his
shoes and felt the squishing inside. He turned to the Arabs and said,"If there
is ever going to be peace in the Middle East, the Arabs will have to stop
spitting in the shoes of Jews, and the Jews will have to stop pissing in the
Arabs' orange juice."

[Ines]

Never ask a Mississippi Grandma!

[Ines]

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!

If
you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or
shoplifting?

________________________________________


Can
you cry under water?

________________________________________


How
important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?

________________________________________



Once
you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for
eternity?

________________________________________


Why
does a round pizza come in a square box?

________________________________________



How
is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?

________________________________________


Why
is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every
two hours?

________________________________________


If
a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

________________________________________



Why
are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

________________________________________


Why
do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look
at things on the ground?

________________________________________


Why
do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're
going to see you naked anyway.

________________________________________


Why
is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

________________________________________


Why
do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?

________________________________________


If
the professor on Gilligan's Island can make
a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

________________________________________


If
corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is
baby oil made from?

________________________________________


If
electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

________________________________________


Do
the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

________________________________________


Why
did you just try singing the two songs above?

________________________________________


Why
do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a
hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

________________________________________


Did
you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but
when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

[Ines]

I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.

Well, in my book, this one should get the prize:
I e-mailed it to my doctor friend.
He e-mailed back: "If light stay on for more than 4 hours, call your eRectrician."

[Ines]

Three doctors were talking about the amazing things being done in medicine.
The first said,"Six weeks ago a man came in after losing a hand in an accident
just as a car crash victim was brought in dead on arrival. I took a hand from
the dead man and sewed it on the worker's stump, and today he's out looking
for a job."
The second physician said,"That's not so amazing. Six months ago I gave a
blind man a pair of dead man's eyes, and today he's out looking for a job."
The third doctor said,"Neither of those cases tops this one. A year and a
half ago we took an asshole out of California, put it in the White House, and
today everybody is out looking for a job."